why self-expression is PAINFUL– & why it’s WORTH IT

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Do you ever second guess applying that daring wing of mascara that could fly you to Paris if you wanted because you’re worried your family might declare it “not you?” Or have you ever caught yourself staring a little too longingly at that drawer with the athlete’s tape in it? Yeah… same.

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:: OI, it’s GROVE:: 

& I’m currently otw to a church I’ve never once enjoyed going to. There’s too many rules for dress; too many things I can’t do; too many ways I’m forced to suppress myself. I’ve long settled on a turtleneck (to hide the sports bra I’ve worn religiously since I was 14) and leggings (to satisfy the feminine demands placed upon me by my mother). 

Everything about Sundays is suffocating and degrading. I wake up in the morning greeted by the prickly caress of my leg hairs against soft sheets. I smile, however faintly, dreaming of the day I no longer have to bind my thighs in black spandex. The turtleneck that once sat snug around my neck strengthens its grip, severing the air from my aching lungs. 

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Why must this go on?

We are so tired…

We are so tired…

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Obey, obey, obey. Conform, conform, conform. Day in and day out, it gets tiring. I know why, and so do you. I know you’ve felt it. The shame. The shame of being who you are, of having the confidence to defend yourself in a conversation without truly specifying it’s you you’re defending. 

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“THEY’RE not hurting anyone.” “THEY’RE just trying to live..” “THEY should have the right to get married.” 

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Always a “they,” but never an “us.” 

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If you haven’t clocked it already, this blog is for those that thrive in the sunlight, who relish in the blazing heat caressing their skin, yet are forced to reside in the shadows. 

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SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT IT?? HOW??

I’ll tell you 🙂

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::OI, IT’S GROVE::

& I’m here to confirm that self-expression is indeed painful. Like, crazy painful. And you may be searching for your “WHY?” 

So to be your light at the end of the tunnel, here’s THREE things to look forward to on your self-expression journey. 

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STUBBORNNESS

Your journey isn’t supposed to be painful, though that’s definitely a bold take depending on who you’re talking to. But it’s the willingness with which you’ll find yourself in the midst of life’s struggles that will break you and make you. 

A wise man once gave me a piece of advice that still sticks with me to this day:

“Don’t settle.”

The ability to deny disrespectful treatment and maintain strong boundaries is a gift you’ll thank yourself for for the rest of your LIFE!! And you want to know why? Because it feels good to feel good, and being yourself feels good. 

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AUTHENTICITY

At the end of each of her videos, the Youtuber Kloee Taylor reminds her audience that “when you stand on your own authenticity, you inspire everyone around you to do the same,” and I wanted to share that with you today. 

Authenticity is the fuel for each of our personalities, it’s humanity’s (nearly) unspoken rule. It’s why we can sometimes catch ourselves having an odd respect for people that may not like us back, or envy for people we wish we were because we’re jealous of their ability to express themselves so thoroughly and shamelessly. It’s a gift, and we all want it. 

To be transparent for a second, the relationship with my mother has always resembled that of a power struggle, a push and pull of differing opinions and respect. My respect for her has all but dwindled, and in letting go of that limiting relationship, I can finally move with a new sense of confidence. 

One might even call it…

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EUPHORIA

Unobstructed joy, independence, and self acceptance, euphoria can only be described as THE GOAL. Don’t get it twisted, don’t get down, there’ll be a time in your life when you reach this level of comfort. A time when you can fully appreciate every aspect of yourself in your natural state. You’ll no longer need to hide or tiptoe around the hateful words of others, because they won’t tear you down. Instead, there’ll be a time when you simply check your walls, sturdy and unyielding, and continue about your fantabulous day. 

But how do you accomplish this?

How the hell could you get here from where you are now??

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FIND YOUR EUPHORIA.

Find it in the little things. 

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The bent sunbeam reflecting off your favorite mug; flipping a coin and winning the toss; the veins in your forearm pulsing when you pick up a box; the perfect wing of eyeliner, first try of course; running that mile; the aroma of a homecooked meal; the echo of your laughter reverberating off the grimy walls of the cramped restaurant; the shirt that fits just right; the caress of the wind on your arm on a sunny day; talking with a close friend without saying a word; anticipating the holidays and birthdays, knowing that these presents are no longer bargaining chips but true gifts…

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Keep your fighting spirit, kid. We’ll paint the grass green before long. 

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Sincerely, 

The Grove MAster™ 

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;:GROVE OUT:;

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